It's All her Fault......Part Deux

Time away from my barstool.......

My darling Red has tagged me to do this thing....
Which keeps away from by beloved barstool.
So instead I'll consult another muse "Orange Kush". I stopped by my cousin Troy's house to pick up a 1/4 oz of the of this muse.
Nice... So, I 'm feeling really nice right about now. I whatever happens next is anybody's guess.

Ten Years Ago:

I had an epiphany, I wanted to save the world. I decided that I didn't want to return to the IRS after my maternity leave was over. Accounting was not a really a noble profession. I wanted to leave my mark on the world. Help change society. I wanted to be a doctor. So I went back to college to study biology/pre-med.Of course Jason was pissed off. He had to pay for me to go back to college. Which was only fair since I put him through grad school. The ironic thing is that in undergrad I had taken the minimum requirements of math & science to get my degree. Not only was a full-time college student. I was a wife . I had finally had a successful pregnancy and a happy healthy baby Joy. And a bartender at the big catering house, Westwinds. No ofcourse I didn't sleep. I can sleep when I'm dead.

Five Years Ago

Jason and I were in the middle of a very ugly divorce.Our marriage basically ended when Joy was diagnosed with leukemia .By the time she lost her battle with the disease, Jason and I weren't even on speaking terms. I spent the next year at home in bed. Marnie moved in with me, to help take care of things ,because the family was worried about me.I decided to take a job waitressing at a Sports Bar on the other side of the county. It's cool for now until I figure out what I want to do with my life. And it's near the gym I had just joined. The money is really good. And there are some really cute guys I work with. There's one in particular that I like, his name is Dylan.

One Year Ago

I took a job in hell. I am AR rep for medical billing company. And my part time job is BookStoreDiva at the Mega Bookstore,Downtown Location. I hate all people equally. My Boss,Suezilla The Gate keeper to hell is a bitch. I wish death on her everyday of my life. And at the Mega Bookstore,there is a new Store Manager. We call her the Stewardess,because she reminds you of a flight attendant on prozac. I tell you what ever she's on I want some of that shit. And just to let you know; I hate doctors, their patients and their insurance companies. What the hell was I thinking 10 years ago.

5 Yummy Things

1) The love of my life;my doggie CoCo.

2) Breakfast at the Cracker Barrel.

3)Godiva hot chocolate with a shot of Godiva Liquor.

4)Eggplant Parmesan from Sabatino's.

5) Sunsets in Jamaica.

5 Songs I know by heart.

1) Here we go (Minnie Ripperton) .

2) Human Nature (Madonna) "And I'm not sorry, (I'm not sorry) it's human nature(it's human nature) And I'm not sorry,I'm not your bitch don't blame your shit on me!!!" Madonna is such a Bad-ass.

3) Waterloo (Abba). I loved the movie Muriel's Wedding.

4) My First, My Last ,My Everything (Barry White) My wedding song; for my next husband.

5)Friends in low places (Garth Brooks) Because sometimes I am the friend in low places.

5 Things I'd do with a LOT of Money

1) Buy a Summer home in Amsterdam.

2) Start a sanctuary for homeless dogs.

3) Buy my own private island, so that all of my friends could party whenever they want to.

4) Take care of my friends & relatives( the ones that I like).

5) Travel all over the world.

5 Things I Will NEVER Wear.

1) A Thong- I tried it once but it got lost under my belly.

2)A Bikini- If I won't wear a thong, I damn sure ain't trying to put my fat ass in one of those things.

3)A tube top or halter- I have matronly upper arms. And woman like myself should never leave the house without a bra. Case closed.

4)A Cat suit,unless my head can be transplanted onto Halle Berry's body.

5) Any thing that doesn't look good on my body.

5 TV shows That I LOVE.

1)Absolutely Fabulous. Sweetie Dahling; I am Patsy.

2)Taxi. Favorite episode. What does the yellow light mean ? Slow down. What* does* the* yellow*light mean? SLOW DOWN .What**** Does **** The**** Yellow****Light**** Mean?

3)Coupling.

4)Black Adder.

5)The Muppet Show. It's not easy being green.

5 Things I enjoy doing

1) Absolutely Nothing. I like being a couch potato.

2)Music. Listening, playing,enjoying etc...

3) Being with my friends.

4)Happy Hour.

5)Mary Jane

Sorry possums I don't know 5 people that I want to inflict this on,every other blog that I read, has already taken part.

Happy Thanksgiving

Laila

Coming Soon

It's all her fault part 2. I can't believe that I'm still awake . I'm going to bed.
But It's all her fault is coming soon.

Laila

It's All her Fault......

Was it her fiery auburn hair . Was her beautifully exotic South African accent. Was it her incredible wit and intelligence. Or was it her daffy sense of humor.
I just absolutely adore my fabulous (HA! TAKE THAT LOW SELF ESTEEM!!) Red-headed South African princess. Everybody fucking loves that girl . Sweetie Dahling you rule! For those of you who don't know about my favorite girl Red,
her story goes like this......
Baby Diva in training Miss Red.... A young budding journalist leaves her home in South Africa to seek her fortune in the United States. While working as a nanny for wealthy family in Washington D.C., Red was plunged into the world of the politics and scandal. After her Pulitzer Prize winning expose' entitled "NannyGate"; Red became the toast of the town. But, at the height of her creative period she dropped out of sight. Red settled down with The Boy in the quiet little section of Baltimore City called Upper Hampden Hon. Red spent the next six years living as a pampered Diva in Baltimore. Red began to grow weary of her life as a society page matron . Red's only creative outlet was tending to her fabulous blog, in which her readers literally hung on her every word. Red has decided to give up her lavish pampered American lifestyle to go back to work. Red has decided to return to her native South Africa to write the Great American novel. Red has been offered a huge advance from South Africa's largest publishing house. If the popularity of her blog is any indication of booksales,then she should achieve world domination within 90 days of the it's initial sale date. Bong!!!
As we met for dinner that night, I could tell that there was something she hesitated to tell.But before the night was over, much alcohol was consumed and many of secrets were shared.
Remember all men especially American men want to be the first to put a flag on the moon. And I guess the Amish boy has a better ass than you. While we were out painting the town hot pink. My Dahling Red was collecting marriage proposals and free drinks from every eligible bachelor in the room. You go girl....... I'm surprised that I made it to work on time the next morning. I guess it was a good thing that Jesus can drive faster than the police. I really hope that by some miracle that you were able to stay for my birthday party. Twenty of my best friends touring the festive pubs in Baltimore. You know that you want to stay for all of the mayhem. But don't let me be the one that tempts you in to not returning to your home land. Please take back with you the joy and love that you have brought to the lives of so many around the world. Write that kick ass book. Make that money girl. And I'll see you in Johannesburg in June.