Satan has just left the building....

It seems that no matter where you work,there is always that one miserable old bitch. You know the one that I'm talking about. She's the reason you've used up all of your sick leave before April fools day. I think we'll call her Brandy,and No she ain't a fine girl. First of all, I would like to give all honor and glory to the baby Jesus for adding this little special something to my Easter basket. Now back to the story...
Since I happened to work every blessed holiday at the mega bookstore. Yes, I am still there, Thank you very much. I requested to be off this Easter. I was awakened by the unwelcomed sound of a phone ringing at the ungodly hour of 1 pm. I thought that this had better be damned good,to interrupt my self induced coma. Little did I know that I was about to get the best news I have yet to get all year. It was Gigi calling to see what part did I play in Brandy quitting the night before. Great day in the morning, my prayers have been answered.Wait a minute,is this some kind of cruel belated April Fools joke? It has to be.
So as my feeble little mind tries to process the information,all I could do was giggle. And giggle, and giggle some more. Alright let's not get our hopes up so early in the morning. After all I did work with the old cow the night before and she gave no clue that she was about to just quit after almost 20 years with the company. I needed proof. But ofcourse with everything in that damned place, being such a big secret (it's books & coffee for godsakes). I was told by the MOD that we shouldn't gossip. HELLO... Have you met me? Besides,it's only gossip if it's not true. But she confirmed it. "Brandy resigned last night at the end of her shift and that she will no longer be working for the company." Satan has officially left the building. Thank you Baby Jesus for adding this to my Easter basket.
So what's a girl to do ? Well, if you were me, you would email and text every coworker past and present to share the good news. So your asking what happened? It seems that the miserable old cow,was on the bad side of almost everyone in the company. And they were just waiting for something to nail her on, w/o the threat of a lawsuit on her part. Can you believe that she fucking left the front door of the store unlocked overnight during a holiday weekend. And that's what did it. She resigned before they could fire her. And the crowd goes wild. I don't wish any ill on her,(you know the whole karma thing) but it was time for her to move on. Ding Dong the witch the is dead... And just think, I'm not going to get the chance to drown her in the harbor. Oh well.

Laila

Writers Block :One year later

Can you believe that I haven't updated this blog in over a year. Ofcourse I had not realized it until one of the two people that has ever read the damn thing has bought it to my attention. And just to let my peeps know I'm still standing I will cave into peer pressure and write again. I warn you that it is all your fault. And you know who you are. So just to let you know that I am offically back from the cliffs of insanity.

Writer's block

It's happened again. Writers block. Ain't that a bitch.

Don't date this guy

WARNING:
I happen to be in man hating mode today,just to let you know.

I have this very bad habit. (1) Open mouth.(2) Insert foot. It's been a nasty little problem of mine since I can remember. For some reason, I believe that it is my duty,to give my opinion/advice on every subject known to man. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart(.ie one's love life). If I had a dollar for everytime I tried playing Dr. Phil; I would have already earned his salary. And with that being said,I understand that I have earned a reputation of being a gossip.
What 's a little gossip amongst friends? If I don't keep everyone informed, them how will they know what's going on? Exactly. You know what I mean.
I have a very low opinion of greedy men. Men who feel that one woman isn't enough for them. Cheaters. Yes, I have been cheated on; Who hasn't ? I have even been the "other woman". And no I'm not proud of it. Does that make it right or even less painless? Ofcourse not. With all of the lying ,cheating bastards out there, I figured that I should start a website to inform other women out there of these assholes. But ofcourse, someone has beat me to the punch. BRAVO. Now I can spend my time updating this blog.(hehehe)
No comments from the peanut gallery.
This website is called www.dontdatehimgirl.com . It allows women to put pictures of their cheating ex's and descriptions of their deeds on-line. So that any woman who comes across these so called men won't waste their time.
I've already checked on the list from Maryland, I haven't come across any names that look familiar yet. But I will be adding a few of my own.

Laila

Ballad of Dylan and Me

It was suppose to be just another piece of ass. But whenever you decide to dip your pen in the company ink, problems can occur.My intention was to just tap that ass and let that be the end of the story. Well we all know that hell is paved with good intentions.
When I first met Dylan, I found him to be very stand-offish, actually more like dim-witted. I think that he was intimidated by me. I can't blame him. I have been known to have that effect on people.
I later found out that Dylan had just gotten out of rehab for his "little cocaine problem." Now that he was "better ", Dylan was also trying to catch up on all the ass that he had missed out on while in rehab. Not the mention trying to juggle his relationship with his on-again-off- again skank girlfriend Kimmie. Can you say MAN-WHORE ? One day Dylan will be fat and bald just like his father. Unless his penis falls off first. I can't wait. No, I'm not bitter. Really I'm not.
I really miss working at the Sports Bar, it was so much fun. We were like this really crazy drunk loud stoned incestuous family (oh, yes there was lots of sex ). We partied together all the time . Whether it was at the bar, at someone's house or even in bar's the parking lot. We drank a lots of alcohol and smoked lots of weed together. In fact, it was during this time that I became a full-fledged pothead. I am proud to say that I worship at the altar of MaryJane. And it was MaryJane that introduced me to Dylan.
Daria, one of the bartenders invited us back to her apartment to smoke some weed. One of her regular customer's liked tipping her in cannabis every now and then. I love white people, just for shit like that. Believe you me, I haven't come across not one black person ,who is going to invite you over to their house to smoke THEIR weed. Especially without bringing something to the table. Okay maybe you can be a scavenger smoker with your bestfriend.
I got a chance to get to know both Dylan and Daria that night. We sat up talking and smoking for hours. I got caught up on all of the latest gossip. Was I the only person in the building that didn't have a cocaine problem ? I think we finally left Daria's place around 5 am. Of course we had to stay for the official 4:20 smoke. From then on Dylan was much nicer to me. He was a little more talkative at work, all of a sudden he was cool Dylan. One night, after my shift had ended, I was sitting at the bar when Dylan and Kimmie came in and sat right down next to me. Dylan bought me a drink and we chit-chatted, while Kimmie played the social butterfly. Later that evening ,while in the ladies room, Kimmie made it a point of telling that she thought that I was an intelligent woman, too smart to work in a place like this.
Kimmie was currently looking at other options,because she didn't want to be a waitress for the rest of her life. I thanked Kimmie for her advice and I let her know that I appreciated that she was concerned about my well being.
Was this her way of saying " stay away from my man ?"

I remember later,(much later) relaying this same story to Dylan while we were in bed one night.

Yes there is more to the story......

Laila

Happy New Year

Hello Sweetie Dahlings,
So much had happened since the last time I posted. My life has been busy. I'm working on my 2006 comeback. And I'm trying to finish up the story of Dylan & Laila. Part of the problem is remembering everything. Actually reliving every thing. I didn't realized how difficult it was going to be. Everytime I start writing, I remember the good, the bad ,and the ugly of our relationship.
Can you believe,that it was easier to write about my failed marriage. I also haven't been able to write about Joy. But all in due time. If I can just finish Dylan's story without calling him and making a complete ass of myself,
all will be good. Thanks for your patience.

Laila

In the kitchen with the chef

Today I turned 35. I have to admit that I'm sort of kinda depressed about it. On one hand I feel that I haven't accomplished anything. But on the other hand,
I feel that this my year. I think it's time for me to launch a comeback .
Of course,everyone has heard of Elvis' 68 comeback special. Why not Laila's 2006 comeback? I've had an epiphany. Yes another one. It happened last week while I was eating a taco. And I wondered :Who came up with the idea for the taco ? Then I started to wonder about food in general. Remember, I'm a fat girl everything comes back to food.
So here it is, I've decided that I will write a cookbook based on local restaurants in my fair city. It will be great. Can you imagine, I would travel to local restaurants and sample their cuisine.Yummy. Then I would showcase the restaurant in the book including one of the chef's favorite recipes.
Then when the cookbook becomes a bestseller, I would parlay that into a cooking show with the same concept. It would be called In the kitchen with the chef.
Mo Money, Mo Money, Mo Money. Move over Martha . Move over Rachel Ray. Laila Ono is on her way. Hey that rhymes.

I'm ready for success. Eventually, I'm aiming for total world domination.
That's right I'm going after the throne. I'm going to have to do battle with the Queen. Oprah . But that's later.

Laila