In the kitchen with the chef

Today I turned 35. I have to admit that I'm sort of kinda depressed about it. On one hand I feel that I haven't accomplished anything. But on the other hand,
I feel that this my year. I think it's time for me to launch a comeback .
Of course,everyone has heard of Elvis' 68 comeback special. Why not Laila's 2006 comeback? I've had an epiphany. Yes another one. It happened last week while I was eating a taco. And I wondered :Who came up with the idea for the taco ? Then I started to wonder about food in general. Remember, I'm a fat girl everything comes back to food.
So here it is, I've decided that I will write a cookbook based on local restaurants in my fair city. It will be great. Can you imagine, I would travel to local restaurants and sample their cuisine.Yummy. Then I would showcase the restaurant in the book including one of the chef's favorite recipes.
Then when the cookbook becomes a bestseller, I would parlay that into a cooking show with the same concept. It would be called In the kitchen with the chef.
Mo Money, Mo Money, Mo Money. Move over Martha . Move over Rachel Ray. Laila Ono is on her way. Hey that rhymes.

I'm ready for success. Eventually, I'm aiming for total world domination.
That's right I'm going after the throne. I'm going to have to do battle with the Queen. Oprah . But that's later.

Laila

Fell in love with a boy

"Fell in love with a boy. I fell in love once and almost completely. He's in love with the world. And sometimes these feelings can be so misleading." Lyrics by
Joss Stone.

Just in case you have not had the misfortune of hearing the tale of Dylan & Laila, your in luck. I'm about to tell it again (hopefully for the last time.) I'll actually start from the beginning, I think it goes something like this...

Once upon a time,there was a beautiful young woman named Laila. Whom had just kicked her lying, cheating, asshole of a husband out on his ass.(You go girl) . Laila decided that she needed a change of pace. Laila was getting bored with being on hiatus, living off of her evil son of a bitch ex-husband's money. Which she deserved for putting up with is psycho ass so long. She decided that it was time to get back into the swing of things and get a job.

So one day, Laila and her then best girlfriend Caren had lunch at The Sports Bar. As Laila enjoyed her wonderful cream of crab soup. She looked around and noticed that this place got a good crowd and she could see that there was lots of money to be made by working here. This place could only benefit from her charm and dazzling personality. So Laila introduced herself to the manager,who found her to be Fabulous and the rest was history.
Being a Diva is hard work;Please don't let anyone tell you anything different.Believe it or not, everyone didn't take to Laila right away, we refer to those people as Haters" don't hate congratulate". One in particular was Kimmie. On the surface Kimmie seemed to have it going on. She was a big tittied bleach blonde piece of trailer trash, with a terrible alcohol and cocaine problem. Some might refer to her as common with a K. White She-Devil as she was affectionately known by the brothers that worked in the kitchen of the Sports Bar. Kimmie was also as dumb as a wet bag of sand.
Kimmie was the quintessential bar-whore,she had basically slept with most of the staff and customers of The Sports Bar;guys & girls alike. Rumor had it, Kimmie was one big walking STD.
Believe it or not,which I don't. When Kimmie started working at the Sports Bar right out of highschool,she was as pure as the driven snow.But now at 21,Kimmie was used up as a dried up old hooker.

One Friday night, Laila happened to walk into the employee locker room, where Kimmie was drunk and crying after having had a fight with her boyfriend. Feeling sorry for the little slut , Laila listened to her story of how her lying, self centered boyfriend treated her like shit. Having just kicked her own lying self centered sack of shit husband to the curb,Laila actually felt sorry for Kimmie.While they were talking , Megan came in to tell Kimmie her boyfriend didn't want her to waiting around for him to get off work, and that she should just go home. Concerned for Kimmie's safety, Laila offered to take Kimmie home. God forbid the heifer should drive her car into a tree, Laila wouldn't be able to live with the guilt. So against her better judgment, Laila got up to go confront Kimmie's horrible so called boyfriend. When Laila asked Megan to point out Kimmie's boyfriend,so she could have a talk with him,she pointed out the barback Dylan.

Dylan was on his way out the backdoor of the bar,he was about to go change the beer keg for the main bar. Laila goes over to tell him about his very upset drunk (skank) girlfriend. Dylan is trying to figure out why this Fabulous Diva ,should care about his (skank) girlfriend. Laila goes away bewildered about these crazy white people and their strange customs.Can't actually remember how the lush got home that night. So later while talking to Megan,over a cocktail,the subject of (skank) Kimmie and her dimwitted boyfriend Dylan came up. It seems that this wacko couple's relationship is the stuff that makes for bad reality television.
Can you say BobbyBrown and Whitney Houston? But it seems that the glue that keeps these two together is the size of Dylan's PENIS.

My. My. My.Laila Could only imagine. All of a sudden Laila could only think of one thing. Exactly. Her mission was clear. And there you have it, that 's how it all began.
The quest for good sex will always be my weakness.Stay tuned there is definelty more to come.

Laila